First Impressions of a Second Nature Page 5

  He suddenly came to a comprehension that there was nothing in the way of his marrying her. She may be poor but she is a daughter of a gentleman. She knows how to comport herself in public and she meets the criteria of an accomplished woman. I saw her read La Belle et la Bête in French, she sings and plays beautifully, and she is intelligent and fiercely loyal. She would be a good sister to Georgiana and her family will be kept in this quiet county and never be known. I would be more than happy to hide her away in Derbyshire and have many, many children with her. Georgiana will have two or three years to find a husband and by then, any gossips of my lowly wife will have subsided. I want to marry her. I have to have her for my wife!

  Darcy almost danced with joy, as he stood with his new determination. Tomorrow. I will explain myself tomorrow and make her listen to me. When she finds out how much I am truly worth, she will jump at the chance to become Mrs. Darcy and I will finally make her mine.

  Darcy retired to his rooms to contemplate life with Elizabeth at his side and in his bed and slept peacefully.

  Chapter 12

  “Miss Bennet, I will be having a ball on the twenty-sixth to get to know my neighbors better and if I may ask, would you save the first set for me?” Bingley asked Jane.

  Jane shyly smiled, “Of course, Mr. Bingley. Thank you for the honor.”

  Mr. Bingley turned to Elizabeth and asked, “And Miss Elizabeth, would you save me the second?”

  Elizabeth nodded and agreed. “It would be my pleasure, Mr. Bingley.”

  Elizabeth returned to her meal, as she and the two gentlemen were breaking their fast together with Jane, but looked up when she heard Mr. Darcy cough. Oh, please do not! She cried in her mind, as she quickly guessed what he would say.

  “Miss Elizabeth, since we are setting up our dancing partners in advance, would you be kind enough to save the first set for me?” Mr. Darcy inquired.

  Elizabeth could see the corner of his lip lift a smirk, as he knew very well that she could not refuse. With a low growl, Elizabeth replied, “But I thought you hated the exercise. I remember hearing you specifically comment about not wishing to dance with those you did not know well, and how you abhorred the activity. ‘Even savages can dance,’ I recall you saying to Sir William.”

  “But we know each other well by now, do we not, Miss Elizabeth? Quite well, if you recall. We have had so many discussions and you refused to dance with me again last night. Surely you cannot refuse a third time, especially at such a place as a private ball?” He winked discreetly.

  Elizabeth huffed but quickly hid her frustrations. Jane had no idea what had been happening with Mr. Darcy and she did not wish to reveal that secret to anyone, even her dearest sister. “Fine, sir. You shall have it. Perhaps it will be your first and last dance with me.” Elizabeth returned her focus to her plate.

  “Say, Darcy, this is a new part of you that I had not seen before. I cannot ever recall your asking anyone for the first dance. When was the last time you danced the first set?” Bingley asked in curiosity.

  Darcy smiled broadly, the biggest Bingley had ever seen, making his friend eyes open wide in surprise. “Never, Bingley. I have never danced the first. ‘Si fueris Romae, Romano vivito more.’” He smirked.

  Elizabeth laughed at this while Bingley and Jane sat mutely, not understanding what had amused the lady. “Are you calling Mr. Bingley a Roman, sir?” She turned to her sister and their host, “‘When in Rome, do as the Romans do’ is what Mr. Darcy had said. Although, it is more accurately translated as ‘If you are in Rome, live in the Roman way.’” She smiled broadly.

  She is as intelligent as she is beautiful. Darcy gleamed.

  “In aeternum te amabo.” Darcy stated. (I will love you for all eternity.)

  Elizabeth scoffed, “Absens haeres non erit.” (Out of sight, out of mind.)

  Darcy retorted, “Amor meus amplior quam verba est.” (My love is more than words.)

  Elizabeth replied, becoming more irritated, “Amor caecus est.” (Love is blind.)

  “Amor vincit omnia.” Darcy stated. (Love conquers all.)

  “Are you being serious, Mr. Darcy? I do not believe it of you and it certainly will not conquer all. You are being insufferable!” Elizabeth tossed down her serviette and stood to quickly leave.

  The gentlemen were already standing with Elizabeth’s departure, when Jane Bennet also stood. “Pray excuse my sister. I do not believe my sister is feeling well.” She departed to go after her sister.

  “What was that about? What were you two speaking of?” Bingley asked. “I have never seen you irritate a woman like so. Whatever you were saying, it was obvious to me that you were aggravating her with each statement.”

  Darcy sighed, “You know how much we have been debating. She knows her Latin very well. I have not met a more intelligent woman, or rather, man or woman. She is far more knowledgeable than most of my acquaintance.”

  “Well, she is a lady and not your intellectual rival. I thought you might like her when you asked her for the first dance but you seem to only enjoy tormenting her. I do wish you would be kinder to her, Darcy. I have never seen two people fight like cats and dogs like the two of you. I am in mind to court Miss Bennet and it would be greatly appreciated if you can be civil to her sister.” Bingley requested.

  “I apologize, Bingley. I have been an awful friend. I promise I did not say anything to offend her. She just misunderstood my intentions. If you will excuse me, I will go for my morning ride now since it has finally stopped raining.” Darcy left the table immediately.

  Bingley sat and looked at the empty table. “I guess I will break my fast in peace then. Alone, again!” He smiled, as he continued to eat the delicious food.

  ∞∞∞

  “Elizabeth!” Mr. Darcy called out, seeing the angry woman pacing in the gardens next to the stables rather than locked inside her rooms.

  Elizabeth looked up to the gray sky and grunted. “Fitzwilliam Darcy, why do you have to disrupt my peace constantly?”

  Darcy chuckled, “Imagine my tortured soul, Elizabeth, you have not left me in peace since the moment you decided to chastise me for speaking ill of your sister.” He walked closer to her to place her hand on his arm and led her to a private part of the gardens. “I cannot stop thinking of you, Elizabeth. Whether in my slumber or waking moments, you are on my mind constantly and I wish to kiss you and make you mine. In vain I have struggled. It will not do. I love and admire you most ardently. Your lack of connections and dowry no longer matter to me. Your family will not be in town often and we can closet ourselves in Pemberley to have our fifteen children and live in harmony, away from anyone who may scorn you for being so low. I would be most content to hide away and we will be so happy together. Will you marry me, Elizabeth? Will you make me the happiest of men and be my wife?” He asked in all seriousness.

  Elizabeth sighed deeply before replying. “You truly believe in your heart that you love me.”

  “But of course I love you, Elizabeth. I have never wished for anyone to be Mrs. Darcy as I wish for you.” Darcy emphatically stated.

  “And you feel such a way right now, but what of a year, or five or ten years from now? What happens when you are done hiding me away in the remote country and you wish to venture to town? Am I to be left there with my fifteen children while you seek your own amusements after you have tired of me? A wife that you could not present in public; a wife that you would be ashamed to be seen with; a family that you would not acknowledge in public because they are embarrassing to you? What happens when passion fades but wedding vows last a lifetime?”

  Elizabeth exhaled then she straightened her posture in defiance. “I cannot marry you, Mr. Darcy. If I had believed you might love me for who I am, not because of the physical intimacy you crave, but truly love me with the deepest affections, whether I am unaccomplished or corpulent or horribly disfigured; if I felt that you loved me half as much as I have begun to care for you,” she heard Darcy gasp, “I would agree to be
your wife, but I know the truth. You will never overcome your prejudice of those whom you see below you and I cannot accept such a man, whose selfish disdain of the feelings of others is the first impression presented and overshadows any kindness or goodness that might be deeply locked away. If you cannot respect me as I am, if I cannot respect you as you are, we will not have a happy marriage and I truly wish to marry for love. There are some secrets about my family that have been kept from you and I am glad for my parents’ foresight to do so. Otherwise I would have never seen your true colors.”

  “But I love you. Is love not enough?” Darcy pleaded.

  “Ama solus non sufficit.” Elizabeth answered. (Love alone is not enough.)

  She turned and left to return to her rooms, leaving Darcy brokenhearted and dejected.

  Chapter 13

  “Please, papa!” Elizabeth begged.

  Mr. Bennet scratched his head. “Are you certain, Lizzy?” I do not wish to endanger your recovery.”

  “My arm is so much better now,” she lifted her elbow to show her father, although cringing with pain on the inside, “I can ride on horseback and I will just keep my arm close to me.” She replied.

  Mr. Bennet knew his argument would be in vain against his strong-willed daughter. “All right, Lizzy. I was sure you would wish for Jane to stay with Mr. Bingley a little longer, but I will gladly have you return home. I will ask Mr. Bingley if I can borrow two of his horses and sidesaddles, if he has any. I do not see Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst being avid horsewomen but if you are determined, we will have you sit astride and get you home.”

  After Mr. Bennet made arrangements with Mr. Bingley, who reluctantly acquiesced to the ladies leaving his home on horseback, he waved goodbye to the ladies and returned inside.

  Fortunately for Jane and Elizabeth, Miss Bingley had insisted on bringing her sidesaddle to be fashionable, and Bingley had arranged for Louisa’s to be brought to Netherfield as well.

  Elizabeth looked back to see the great house become smaller and looked up to see Mr. Darcy watching her from his window. She saw his hand on the window as if reaching out to touch her and her heart squeezed at the thought of being away from that gentleman.

  How in the world did I fall in love with that haughty man? He argued with me to irritate me and wooed me with poetry and Latin and I fell right for it. Stupid, stupid girl. He does not have the character that is most important in my future partner and if we could not respect each other, it is doomed. It matters naught if I had a large dowry or connections to the King, if he could not love me as I am, we would be most miserable together.

  Elizabeth was despondent but was determined to move on. Her father told her about a ridiculous cousin who was to arrive the next day and she knew there would be much amusement in assessing that man's character. She would not regret her decision to refuse Mr. Darcy. Even if she had dearly wished the opposite of Mr. Darcy, it became almost second nature for her to assess someone accurately, and she had indeed been correct in her initial impressions of that handsome but arrogant young man.

  ∞∞∞

  “He is very odd, Lizzy,” Mrs. Bennet whispered. “I know you and your father love the follies of men but that person is beyond strange.”

  Elizabeth laughed. “Oh, mama, I do not believe I ever need to return to town when so much amusement is before us. The way he goes on and on about his patroness, one would believe he is in love with her or that sees her as a deity. It is incredible that he believes this obnoxious lady to be so high, only due to her preservation of rank and condescension!” She snorted uncontrollably as she giggled.

  Mrs. Bennet hid her giggles, “Be kind, Lizzy! I do not believe I have met a stupider man. If I had met Mr. Collins before I met your father, I might not have married due to my fears of passing down such imbecility.” They both burst out laughing but quickly suppressed it to a hidden chuckle.

  "Well, as intolerable as he is, Charlotte appears to like him enough. It was perfect timing that she should be visiting when he arrived and they seem to get along well. It is so sad that she is on the shelf and has to accept the attentions of such a man but he is respectable and will treat her well." Elizabeth sighed. Her thoughts flew to Mr. Darcy once again.

  Her mother patted her hands gently as they sat on the garden bench, watching Mr. Collins and Charlotte Lucas converse quietly on the far side, “You will overcome it, Elizabeth. You made a wise decision to refuse Mr. Darcy and would have never been happy with such a lack of respect. If he had loved you more, he would have accepted you without condition, and if you had loved him more, you would have accepted him even with his conditions. Shall I take you to my brother’s before Christmas? Your father has been wishing for another match against him and might be amenable to traveling to town for a short holiday.”

  Elizabeth nodded. “That would be wonderful. I would love to see my cousins again. It has been too long since we have been reunited.” She hugged her dear mother. “I love you, mama. Thank you for understanding me so well. I am so blessed to have you and papa support me, even when I am so wild and unruly.”

  Mrs. Bennet caressed her daughter’s hair. “You will be well, Lizzy. You will find happiness with a man who deserves you. I can only hope that Jane will find happiness. She is so soft-spoken and although she takes after her mother in appearances, her personality is the complete opposite, as your father tells me. Fanny Bennet was loud and outspoken, while Jane barely speaks a word and I cannot tell what she is thinking.”

  Elizabeth gasped, “But you know Jane! She is the gentlest of souls and never offends but is always agreeable!”

  “Yes, Lizzy, it is true, but we have known her all of her life. For those who do not know her as we do, they might interpret her silence as insipidness and her serenity as indifference. She must show her preferences and allow others to hear her opinions.” Mrs. Bennet replied.

  Elizabeth nodded in concession. “I had heard Charlotte mention this as well, mama. I was so offended and unjustly accused Mr. Darcy of cruelty when he was in fact speaking the truth. I am mortified that more than once, I blamed Mr. Darcy’s opinions to be biased and full of malice, when he was only speaking honestly. Do you think I might have made a mistake?”

  “But his comment about Jane was not the only reason for your refusal and you cannot second guess yourself every time you find something new about Mr. Darcy. Either you love him enough to overcome his faults, or he must love you to overcome your faults, or whatever he sees as a fault. I could not let you go to anyone unworthy, Lizzy.” Mrs. Bennet kissed her daughter’s temple. “Let us go inside and see how Mary’s lessons are going. Mrs. Henley is a saint for helping her with her music all these years and I can finally tolerate listening to her playing and singing now.”

  “Mama!” Elizabeth whined, as she suppressed another giggle.

  Chapter 14

  “It is a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Wickham,” Jane greeted the handsome man after being introduced by Lieutenant Denny, who was a local favorite.

  “The pleasure is all mine, Miss Bennet,” Wickham replied, as he leaned and kissed her hand seductively.

  Elizabeth smirked at the man who was already fawning over her sister, as Jane had the uncanny ability to make men fall in love with her at first sight.

  “So, you are to join the militia, Mr. Wickham? How long have you known Mr. Denny?” Elizabeth asked.

  Mr. Wickham smiled at the charming lady, “I have known Denny here for several months. We met in town and he talked me into a career change.”

  Elizabeth’s curiosity peaked with that comment. “And what career were you practicing before this change?”

  Mr. Wickham stammered for a second, “Well, I… I was studying law but it became too costly and I was convinced that I would look dashing in a red uniform.”

  Hmm.. He is too old to have been studying the law all this time and not complete it. It does not seem that he had a career all of his life so far. Elizabeth thought.

  Seeing the skepticism in t
he astute lady’s face, Wickham quickly changed the topic and approached Jane Bennet, whom he found most pleasing.

  “Which way are you headed, Miss Bennet?” Wickham smoothly stepped next to her and offered his arm.

  Jane blushed at the attention as she placed her hand on the crook of his elbow. “We are heading to my aunt Philip’s home. You are more than welcome to join us, Mr. Wickham.”

  They walked a head of the group while Mary leaned and whispered to Elizabeth, “I do not like the way he has been eyeing Jane, Lizzy. He is very handsome but he appears to be hiding something.”

  Elizabeth furrowed her brows, “I agree, Mary. Something is not quite right with that gentleman.”

  Lieutenant Denny spoke with Mr. Collins, who had followed along, and they walked together toward the center of Meryton when they saw Mr. Bingley on horseback.

  The jovial man smiled broadly as he greeted the group. “Good morning!” He scowled for a moment when he saw Jane on Wickham’s arm. Straightening quickly, he dismounted and approached the ladies.

  He bowed to Jane and Elizabeth first, then to the rest of the party.

  “Miss Elizabeth, how is your arm healing? I see that you are still wearing a sling for your arm. Is it still causing much discomfort?” He asked kindly.

  “It is much better, Mr. Bingley. Thank you.” Elizabeth replied.

  Jane stepped forward and asked, “May I introduce you to Mr. Collins, our father’s cousin, and Lieutenant Denny and Mr. Wickham?”

  “Thank you, Miss Bennet,” replied Bingley as he bowed to the gentlemen. “I am acquainted with Mr. Denny,” he nodded to that gentleman, “We met at the officers’ dinner.” He eyed Collins, who appeared harmless, then Wickham, who was smirking. “I had wished to call on you at Longbourn but what good fortune to find you here. May I escort to your destination?”