First Impressions of a Second Nature Read online

  Jane blushed again as Bingley approached her with his proffered arm. “We are visiting my aunt Philips. Please join us, Mr. Bingley.” She stepped from Mr. Wickham and now walked with Mr. Bingley.

  Bingley continued, “I had hoped to coax Darcy out of Netherfield today but he had been closeted in his rooms most of the time and he had no wish to leave.”

  Mr. Collins perked up, “Could that be Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy of Pemberley?”

  “Why, yes, Mr. Collins. Do you know him?” Bingley asked.

  Mr. Collins fluttered, “Yes, I mean, no; I have heard of him but I do not know him in person. Lady Catherine de Bourgh of Rosings is his aunt and she has spoken of him in great detail. My patroness is most noble and Mr. d…” Elizabeth could not hear the rest, as Mr. Wickham spoke next to her.

  “I know Darcy well. How long has he been in Hertfordshire?” Wickham drew closer to Elizabeth and inquired.

  “About a month. How do you know him?” Elizabeth was burning with curiosity on how they knew each other and if Mr. Darcy was considered honorable or a rake.

  “I have known him all of my life, Miss Elizabeth. I grew up on the estate and spent many days of my youth at Pemberley. How do you find him?” He asked.

  Why should he ask me of my opinion first? I am curious what Mr. Wickham is hiding. She replied, “I found him to be quite arrogant, refusing to converse with anyone beneath his status in this neighborhood.”

  Elizabeth noted a quick sneer that disappeared when Mr. Wickham spoke again. “It is as I thought. He has too much pride; of his position in society and his massive fortune. I would watch him with a genteel lady like your sister as well,” he sneered. “Darcy is quite a rake and will not blink to dally with a beautiful lady for his pleasures.”

  They were at Aunt Philip’s home and after entering, conversed more in private, where Wickham told Elizabeth about his loss of the living when Darcy defied his father’s wishes and refused to give him the position of the clergy at Kympton, and that he had been left quite desolate to make something of himself in the world until he had decided on the militia.

  Elizabeth was aghast to hear of such misdeeds but was completely overwhelmed when Mr. Wickham leaned closer and whispered secretly, “And I have heard that he had seduced a young woman this past summer for her dowry of 30,000 a year and attempted to elope with her but was unsuccessful because of her brother. I would not be surprised to find him looking for another prey. I could see him attracted to someone like your sister Miss Bennet, although Mr. Bingley looks quite interested.”

  But Mr. Darcy had never found Jane interesting. Could I have been his prey? Elizabeth cleared her throat to calm herself, “And do you know Mr. Bingley well?”

  “No, I have only heard a little of him but had not met him before today. He is a cheery little fellow but I heard he leaves a trail of broken hearts in his wake. He is never serious and will find amusement wherever he goes.”

  Wickham grinned broadly when Jane lifted her head and their eyes met. Elizabeth fumed, seeing her sister’s blushes, and saw the look of lust in Mr. Wickham’s eyes.

  ∞∞∞

  Soon, the party separated, with Mr. Wickham and Lieutenant Denny heading to the encampment, while Mr. Bingley returned to Netherfield.

  On the return home, Elizabeth asked Mary to keep Mr. Collins’ company in order to speak with Jane privately.

  “What were you thinking, Jane?” Elizabeth began to chastise her sister.

  “Of what are you speaking, Lizzy? What have I done?” Jane asked innocently.

  Elizabeth burned in rage. “I spoke with Wickham for several minutes but I saw you blushing at his attentions. I am certain Mr. Bingley noticed it as well. I thought you liked Mr. Bingley!” She hissed.

  Jane smiled softly, “I do like Mr. Bingley, more than anyone of my acquaintance. But Mr. Wickham was very gallant and I could not refuse speaking with him or acknowledging him, Lizzy. I am sorry if you liked him. I promise to give him as little notice as possible.”

  Elizabeth groaned, “Ugh, Jane! I do not like Mr. Wickham. I find him suspicious and my first impression of him is not at all in good light. There are gaps in his stories and he told me that Mr…. He said that he knew Mr. Darcy well and that there were things he said that surprised me.”

  “But you hate Mr. Darcy, Lizzy! Why should you care what Mr. Wickham says about that man? Although, Mr. Darcy has been always very proper with me and cordial. He did not speak much with me but I have seen his eyes on me often.” Jane commented.

  Elizabeth saw her dearest sister with fresh eyes this day, as she realized that Jane thought only of how men complimented her and the attentions she received from them. She sighed and responded, “I know you do not see men and their dissolute ways; you have closed your eyes on the true nature of some; those who will become jealous or angry or arrogant, and those with vices, with no honor and only the appearance of goodness. Take care, Jane. I would not wish you to be broken-hearted again because Mr. Bingley does not comprehend your innocence.”

  "I am not that innocent, Lizzy. I am two and twenty and have lived a little in the world," Jane blushed bright red, as she recalled her courtship with Mr. Morris. "After Mr. Morris and finding him in such a… I know men hide their vices and I just had not wished to think about it. I do like the attentions of a handsome gentleman like Mr. Wickham, but I know my heart and I care for Mr. Bingley very much. It was wonderful to see him again and speak with him. I am very excited for the ball."

  Elizabeth smiled at her sister, “Yes, you will dance the first with him and perhaps he will finally ask for courtship. Mama plans on inviting the Netherfield party next week for dinner once she is feeling better. I do hope you will see a lot more of Mr. Bingley and less of Mr. Wickham.”

  The sisters teased each other and spoke of the ball and what they would wear, and soon entered their home, where they chatted with Mr. and Mrs. Bennet and filled them in on what Mrs. Philips had gossiped.

  Chapter 15

  “How wonderful to see you again, Mr. Bingley,” Mrs. Bennet excitedly greeted him. “Miss Bingley,” she curtseyed, “Mr. Hurst, Mrs. Hurst.” She held the latter’s hand and smiled broadly. “I hope you are feeling better.” She wrapped her arm around hers as they took their seats. “Was the ginger root helpful?”

  Mrs. Hurst gushed, “Oh, Yes, Mrs. Bennet! It was a lifesaver! And yourself? Has it been effective for you as well?” She winked.

  Mrs. Hurst had spoken with Mrs. Bennet in deep conversation three nights ago at Mrs. Long’s dinner party and they had become bosom friends. With less than a ten-year gap in age, they had become thick as thieves, sharing stories about their pregnancies, as they were both expecting and were due only weeks apart.

  While the expectant ladies spoke and Miss Bingley listened on, Elizabeth, who was near Mr. Bingley, asked him softly, “Has Mr. Darcy still chosen to remain in seclusion, Mr. Bingley? I am surprised he has not been seen anywhere for the past week.”

  “Oh, I must have forgotten to mention it to you. He had departed for town last week. The day after you had returned home, he said he was most determined to see his sister and left the day after that.” Mr. Bingley replied. “He did say he would try to return for the ball but he could not confirm.”

  Elizabeth heart ached with the news. She had not seen him for a full week and had missed him. She had wondered once again if she had made the right decision by refusing him, then berated herself for being so inconstant. She had hoped to see him again, whether to affirm her choice or to live in regret she did not know, but to hear he had gone from the area had made her morose.

  Elizabeth was thankful when she heard her mother announce her joy at Mr. Collins proposing to Charlotte Lucas, a woman most deserving of entering the married state at last, and conversation changed to speak of the neighborhood news.

  ∞∞∞

  “Are you still moping, Darcy? What the hell happened to you in Hertfordshire?” Colonel Fitzwilliam snapped at his cousin.

 
Darcy awoke from his alcohol-induced haze after Richard slammed the door. Groaning, he reached for another glass of brandy, which his cousin promptly took away.

  “You are trying to drink to an early grave and I allowed it this far but it is enough. Tell me what happened. Georgiana has not stopped crying, believing that it is her fault somehow, and you have not slept in your bed nor have you bathed in over a week. What is wrong with you?” Richard yelled.

  Darcy gibed, “A slip of a woman. She broke my heart and I hate myself. I wish I was brave enough to get rid of myself in the world.”

  The colonel splashed the flower water from the nearby vase on his cousin's face and growled. "You are an idiot. Getting rid of yourself, as you put it, is selfish and cowardly. I expected more from you, cousin. How dare you be so arrogant to think only of your misery and care so little for others?"

  Richard huffed but sat down on the seat across from Darcy and finished his cousin’s brandy before continuing. “I heard of some of my men ending their own lives because they could not live with their demons. They did not think of the ones left behind; the families that have to go on without them and grieve them. I can only wish I could live a gentleman’s life, worrying about farms and sheep and what ball I will attend next. You have a good life and you are a damned fool if a woman broke your heart and you cannot overcome it.”

  Darcy sobered with his cousin’s statement as he wiped his face with a handkerchief. “I am sorry, Richard. It was easier to drown in my own sorrows than to think of the blessings I have been given. It does not make the pain any less but I know I have been selfish.” He sighed, “Elizabeth told me the same thing. She told me that I disdained the feelings of others and that I was prejudiced against those not of my equal standing.” He groaned, “Ugh… she was right. She was right about everything. I proposed to her and she rejected me because I am a selfish, arrogant ass.” He huffed, “I told her I would hide her away and have fifteen children with her. That her family would not be known to anyone and we would be happy on our own, away from anyone who would scorn her for having no dowry or connections. What care do I about money? And I hate society. Why did I care more for the opinions of mercenary harpies and the acceptance of people, like your father, who only care about connections and rank? She was right and I am a fool.” He despaired.

  Colonel Richard stood and pulled on Darcy’s elbow to make him stand. “Well, I am glad someone finally put you in your place. You are my favorite cousin but you have been an obnoxious ass to those outside of our family. You are heading for a bath and going to bed for a day or two. Once you are fully sober, we will talk again.”

  Darcy nodded as he stumbled onto his feet and Richard held him up. “Richard, did you… how did you like Sally?” Darcy asked.

  Richard chuckled loudly. “You idiot! I did not tell you but I made Uncle Darcy the same promise as you. I vowed that I would stop dallying with loose women when your father made me guardian to Georgiana. I have been waiting for the right woman to come along, just like you. I only like to fool Bingley into thinking that I am some poor soldier who loves to hunt and bed women. No, Darcy, I have no use for a prostitute. I am waiting for my wealthy heiress who will love me as I am.”

  After putting Darcy into the capable hands of his valet, Colonel Fitzwilliam comforted his baby cousin Georgiana and reassured her that her brother’s despair had nothing to do with her near elopement this past summer, and that all would be well soon.

  ∞∞∞

  Sixteen hours later, Fitzwilliam Darcy awoke with pain in his head and eyes from the bright sun. His cousin was sleeping on the chair next to the bed and Darcy groaned, realizing that his body was stiff and he had drunk too much. Damnation! I have not had this much to drink since Robert and Richard had tricked me into indulging and then dragged me to that brothel. I swore off prostitutes and drinking in excess that same day.

  Darcy slowly sat up on the side of his bed, appreciating the cool floor on his bare feet and wishing he could relive the past two months, perhaps the past year. He bent to place his face into his hands and rubbed it, hoping this torture would soon be over. The pain of loving Elizabeth but being rejected; of proposing marriage but lacking so much in character that she would refuse him, it was all too much to bear.

  But she said she cared for me! If I show her that I can change, that I can take her reproofs to heart, to be a better man for her, perhaps I still have a chance!

  Now fully alert, he stood and paced to think.

  How do I show her that I do not disdain those beneath me? Her father and mother were genteel and I would not be embarrassed to know them. Those landowners and even the merchants, I must stop appearing so arrogant and converse with them. Bingley is the son of a tradesman and he is my closest friend. I do not begrudge his sisters for being daughters of trade, even if I cannot tolerate Miss Bingley for her personality. I must show Elizabeth that I esteem her and her family. Perhaps she will grow to love me someday but I will first be a better man so I can earn her respect.

  He called for his valet loudly, forgetting that his cousin was still sleeping.

  “What?!” the Colonel abruptly stood in attention. “Oh, damn it, Darcy, why are you shouting?” He sat back down and rubbed his eyes. “You are awake and alert after a nice long sleep.”

  Darcy smiled and ran to his cousin’s chair, pulling him up to an embrace and patting his back. “Thank you, Richard. Thank you for kicking some sense into me. I know what I must do. I must change my haughty ways and earn my lady’s respect. Not only to gain her respect but to become a better person. I wish to be a better man for her, because of her, and mostly because it is important for me to learn some humility. Elizabeth was the only one to chastise me for being a conceited fool and I will not let her go. I need her in my life and until she is married or I am dead, I will not waste my chance in gaining her good opinion. I must go. I must return to Netherfield and see her and show her that I have changed; that I can change for her.”

  Colonel Fitzwilliam furrowed his brows and exclaimed. “But Darcy, I… I saw Bingley last night. He came here to speak with you but you were indisposed. He is no longer in Hertfordshire but here in town.”

  “WHAT?!” Darcy yelled.

  Chapter 16

  “But Lizzy, you may read it for yourself,” Jane pushed the letter into her sister’s hand. “Miss Bingley states that her brother wished to return to town desperately and after missing Mr. Darcy’s presence so much, they made the difficult decision to cancel the ball and depart immediately. She states that Mr. Bingley admires Miss Darcy as a most accomplished woman and that she has the greatest hopes of calling her sister someday. Is that not clear enough?”

  Elizabeth scoffed, “No, I do not see it at all. I only see that Miss Bingley saw how much attention her brother gave you and that she only desires to call Miss Darcy ‘sister’ through her own marriage to Mr. Darcy. Mr. Darcy mentioned that his sister just turned sixteen and I cannot see Mr. Bingley courting such a young girl. Although Mr. Wickham mentioned that Mr. Bingley leaves a trail of broken hearts, I do not know if I trust anything that man has revealed, especially now that he knows Mr. Darcy has left and suddenly he is telling everyone of the injustice he suffered, when he said he would never defy or expose Mr. Darcy until he can forget his father.”

  “Girls, girls,” Mrs. Bennet interrupted, as she entered the parlor. “You are both making conjectures when I have the answers in my hand.” She lifted to show her daughters the letter she received. “Mary, I want you to pay attention to the duplicity of some ladies in society that will cause trouble and frustrations without consideration of anyone else’s feelings. I received a missive from Louisa Hurst, who has become a dear friend to me this past week, explaining what happened at Netherfield.” She began to look at the page and explained, “Louisa writes that after Mr. Darcy had departed Netherfield abruptly, Mr. Bingley continued to work with the steward to repair the bridge and some of the tenants’ homes that were damaged in the storm. He sent letters
to his friend for guidance without receiving a reply for a full week and became concerned, as Mr. Darcy is a faithful correspondent, but had determined to do the best he could. But when Miss Bingley relayed some gossips she had heard from her maid to her brother, Mr. Bingley became disheartened and decided to cancel the ball. Louisa does not mention anything about Miss Darcy or any admiration of a lady in town but she does mention Jane.” She put the missive down and turned to her stepdaughter.

  “Jane, can you tell me if there is any foundation for you to be center of this gossip? Louisa does not mention any details, I am certain she is being kind, but she does mention that Miss Bingley had heard of some indiscretions between you and Mr. Wickham. What could have possibly happened?” Mrs. Bennet asked sternly.

  Jane, who was always unfailingly serene and composed in all situations, stood abruptly and walked in circles in a panic. “Mama! I did not think anything of it but someone must have seen me with Mr. Wickham! Oh, no! What must he think? Nothing happened, but it could have seemed as if…” She sat and cried, burying her face into her hands.

  Elizabeth could do naught but console her sister as she rubbed her back and waited for Jane to finish sobbing.

  Jane finally continued, “Remember when we went to Meryton two days ago and you went to the bookstore to pick up your new book? I had gone to look for some ribbons, and Mr. Wickham,” she hiccupped, “he approached me and asked me if I was alone. I told him you were in the bookstore and he pulled me to the side of the building and told me that… that he found me so beautiful and that he wished to court me. I told him that I was not interested in him and he tried… he tried to kiss me a few times but I was able to escape and went into the shop. I saw him leave straight away and did not think anyone saw us. I did not want you to be disappointed in me, mama, but I liked being attractive to such a handsome man. I do not wish to lose Mr. Bingley because he believes I was wanton.” She buried her face again.